I like Public Bath?
Inspired by the latest of Todd's excellent artistry, I suppose I should finally reveal the excitement that is the bathroom at my work. The bathroom is in the hall, shared by the eight or so businesses that inhabit the second floor of the building in which i work. The bathroom is accessible without a key, although on the first floor one needs a numeric pass code to gain access. I have never used the first floor bathroom.
Nothing particularly exciting happens in there (thank goodness) although the weird quotient is exceptionally high, I feel. Now, I will give it this: it is generally clean. That is very important. But weirdos abound! First, I was in there peein' one day, and some random old dude came up to the urinal next to me, and was all like "how ya doin?" as I'm peein. Luckily, I was finishing up, so I was just like "great" as I zipped up to walk away. Wash hands, walk out.
The very next day, me peein' in the same urinal (there are only two, and one is clearly designed for a child), a different guy lines up next to me, and says, no shit...
"I hear this is where all the dicks hang out."
Wha??
Alarm bells start ringing, and I'm thinkin' so this is one of them "Alfie / Larry Craig" bathrooms and that must be why they had to put them locks on the first floor." Goodness gracious. So I wrapped up my business impressively quickly considering what had been the plan just seconds before, and bolted towards the sinks. I think I said "apparently" as I walked away.
However, upon seeing in the mirror's reflection who it had been, the alarms subsided and I realized it is a gentleman who I am peripherally friendly with, in that we sometimes find ourselves entering and leaving the building at similar times, and thusly occasionally make small talk. He was not, almost definitely, obtusely coming on to me, but rather, just trying to be funny in an effing strange way. Fair enough, most likely.
As for the first guy, he was just an awkward old man, trying to be friendly, I'll say. But I'm sorry folks, my general rule is "no new friends in the bathroom." I try to be super friendly in all aspects of my daily life, but when I am in a public bathroom, I am interested in only one or two things, and neither involve making small talk with anyone I don't already know. Is that just me?
So these two incidents were mildly strange, and happened so concurrently as to be noticeable.
But neither takes the cake. Sadly, nor does the "fluid" stains that one might notice on the walls of the stalls, were one to glimpse in the right light, take the cake.
What takes the cake, for me, is that someone who works in the building has the amazing habit of pissing all over the floor in front of the 'adult' urinal. It's not a lot of urine, but it is enough that your stance has to be just a smidge wider to ensure no contact with the shoes.
But that shit is there like every day!
One time, I came in with somewhat dirty shoes, and got dirt all over the bathroom floor. I felt bad, but had no way to clean it. I came back like two hours later, and lo and behold, it had been cleaned up. This made me feel even worse than I already did, b/c someone other than the nightly cleaning crew determined this dirt to be unacceptable and took it upon themselves to take care of it. Sorry.
But this random guy, he just pisses all over everywhere and doesn't even realize or care. There is literally a fresh small puddle on the floor every day. What is that? It went away for like a week, and I was hoping maybe a certain someone had been transfered to Alaska. But alas, as of just days ago, it is back, with a vengeance.
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